not a cas post…

*a rant like reflection regarding current situations*

Dear Fiona,

This is the second week that we are back on Zoom. It’s not like the first time being online because it’s lost the aspect of being something new and exciting. I moved this year, and it barely feels like my family and I have landed. I’ve spent a total of about 1o weeks in a school in person, and almost 6 months of this school year online.

Obviously, there have been ups and downs, but I didn’t really slow down and stop to figure out all my emotions or even think about what “the end” of this will look like. If I could name my top five emotions, they would be frustrated, burned out, exhausted, hopeful, and stressed. Today, I learned a new word, an emotion that I don’t think I’ve ever related to more than right now. Languishing. Languishing is an emotion that falls between flourishing and depression. It’s staying up at night because you feel as if your day has been stolen from you, your routine has been pulled out from under your feet, and it’s as if there’s no point anymore. I know for certain, that I’m definitely closer to the depressed side of the scale, but it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one. The graduating class of 2022 has had a pretty rough 2 years. I know I can’t really speak for every junior in the world right now, or even my 32 classmates, but I’m almost certain every junior has felt like this at least a few times in the past year. For those of us taking part in the IB curriculum, 11th grade has been even more challenging. We started the vigorous diploma program online, carried out labs at home, and did our higher-level tests and essays from our bedrooms. All of our service, grade bonding, and IA trips were stolen from us. We didn’t get a break. We haven’t had a break since the beginning of this pandemic. Now we’re balancing our Extended Essay with Individual Orals and TOK Exhibitions and Paper two essays and Internal Assessments. Sometimes it feels like people don’t care that we’re just teenagers, already unstable and moody and changing. And it’s as if the pandemic is being ignored and the workload is just increasing.

I’m not complaining about the workload, it’s manageable. It’s just what is the point right now? Why am I sitting on zoom for 8 hours stressing about getting a 7 when India has surpassed 20 million COVID cases when Sri Lanka’s case levels are higher than ever before when people in the United States still believe that a face mask is a political statement, and when Lower-income countries won’t have access to the vaccines until after I graduate in 2022?

Enjoy this incomplete letter,

Yourself

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